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| I am
freaking out
and I dont know
why
| | |
| Here in the dark
I stand before you knowing
This is my chance to show you my heart
This is the start, this is the start
I had so much to say and I'm hoping
That your arms are open
Dont turn away, I want you near me
But you have to hear me
Heres where I stand
Heres who I am
Love me, but dont tell me who I have to be
Heres who I am
I'm what you see
You said I had to change and I was tryin
But my heart was lying
Im not a child any longer
I am stronger
Heres where I stand
Heres who I am
Help me to move on but please dont tell me how
Im on my way
Im movin now
In this life, we've come so far
But we're only who we are
With courage of Love
To show us the way
We've got the power to stand up
And say
Heres where I stand
Heres who I am
And be counted, I'm counting on you
If you're with me, we'll make it through
Heres where I stand
Heres who I am
Love me, love me, love me and we'll make it through
Heres where I stand
Baby, Baby, Baby, I'm counting on you
Heres where I stand
Love me, love me, love me and we'll make it through
I'm counting,
I'm counting,
I'm counting, I'm counting on...
You
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| I need to get some frustration out.
Why did I just look at a picture of you and start to cry? Why aren't you out of my life yet? Why do you still have to be the same person, just a reminder of how much hurt you cause? Why can't you FOR ONCE tell the truth? Why did you have to hurt me so much that I can't open up to anyone else? FUCK YOU NICK. I HATE YOU.
Prepare for the scattered thoughts.
So alone. Always alone. I think I have someone then I lose them. Like always. I miss you a lot. We used to be so close. What happened? You're never around anymore. You never make any effort to keep in touch. It makes me feel like you don't care. If you don't, then just tell me. I've dealt with it before. <3z
I'm really starting to hate these masks I wear. But I don't know how to take them off. Half the time I don't even feel in control anyway. Laugh. Smile. Even though all the time you're dying inside. Keep the act until you're safely locked away inside your room, hidden from the eyes of others.
I wish you knew me. I wish you understood.
Think I'm crazy. Must be.
Do I feel anything for him anymore? I feel numb. Is it possible that the person who was so important to me that I couldn't forget for years can just disappear like that? Is it possible I'm starting to hate him too? Is it possible?
Hate hate hate. So much fucking hate. All the time. For all of you. And you'll never read this. You'll never know.
Always so angry.
Slit my wrists.
The pain soothes me.
The blood calms me.
It helps me forget.
I just hate the scars.
I can't stop anymore.
I need it.
More.
More.
No room.
No space.
That's when I stop.
Anger and hatred. Who am I? What am I?
I am worthless. Never amount to anything. Future is black. Future is nonexistent.
"I tried to kill the pain, but only bled more. I lay dying, and I'm pouring crimson regret, and betrayl. I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost? ...My wounds cry for the grave, my soul cries for deliverence, will I be denied? Christ! Tourniquet! My Suicide."
That is my future. I see it. Lying on the ground in a pool of blood, crying, screaming for you to forgive me. Praying it won't hurt. Knowing its right. I'll think of you. All of you. Every single person that has ever touched my life in any way. I know I'll think of him the most. I'll wonder how he'll feel.
Smiling. Smirking. Its sick.
Destructive.
Crazy.
She's dying.
Can't you tell? | | |
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